ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she peed on how many people?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
