The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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