Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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