I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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