Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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