how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
