And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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