Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
