So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
