He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
