Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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