i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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