Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
