god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
organizing the empties. That sober.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
