I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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