i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
