The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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