maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he thought i was a dude.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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