does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
