Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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