do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
