Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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