would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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