Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
