She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
