I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?