Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
