My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
