At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
