so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
