i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
