Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
