Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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