You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
