I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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