thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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