Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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