I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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