i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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