If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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