I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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