if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
