Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
