youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
