The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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