Cold hands, warm shart.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
