Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
