I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
