marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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