Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
soo... how was my night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
