I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
