Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
