he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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