I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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