Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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