Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
