Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
