just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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