What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
