imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Houston, we have a squirter
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
