Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
