So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
