Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
