Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
