carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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