fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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