Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
These tits shall not be calmed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
