he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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