I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
