she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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