My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's blow job season.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
