He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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