Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
