God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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