i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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