***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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