found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
