no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
