Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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