So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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