how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
