I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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