at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
