He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
