My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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