wat bout pragnant strippers??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
