I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
