Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
